Flying Pink EVAs
by Ithax Warhammer
Summary: This blatent SI is going to be cool... mabie but i need reviews to make it better
1. Default Chapter

Neon Genesis Evangelion (with appreciation for the English language) IN: FLYING PINK EVAS!!!  
  
(Accept no alternatives may contain nuts and or milk products, not refundable where fan fics are sold, and only acceptable where admitted by a court of law and or medical note)  
  
By Ithax Warhammer the freak of nature who skips classes to write this garbage which is about to pass through your mind erasing your identity. wait ignore that. yeah.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or their respective shows, any further discomfort is therefore your own problem. The only thing I do own is:  
  
Ithax Enterprises And Ithax Warhammer (who probably won't be appearing in the fic anyway so never mind) (Ithax Warhammer is a copyright of Ithax Enterprises Charitable Foundation and Drive-Thru Rhinoplasty Clinic. Unauthorized use of Ithax Enterprises logos, documents, weapon technologies, vehicles, mecha, clothing, prophylactics, hairnets, fishing rods or wild dogs will be punished by swift and merciless pointing-and- laughing-while-poking-with- sticks. Respect the aw-thor-it-tay of Ithax enterprises! Fnord. Shantih, shantih, shantih. Spacong.)  
  
surgeon GENERAL's warning!!!: Warning! Real Fan fic general's warning: Mary sueisim is a contagious disease it may cause undue amounts of pain torture and above all will indefinitely cause your mind to feel as if it has been smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. (My Contribution to Douglas Adam's writing). This fan fic has been proven to contain undue amounts of psychosis and a lacking of sanity and continuity. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
And now for your moment of Zen for this chapter:  
  
Have you ever wondered why people are always asking you about your day and how it was and all you ever say is good? Well whenever anyone asks me if my day was good I say "No it was crappy and I'm going to go kill thousands of innocent endangered species because you asked and its all your fault for bringing it up!"  
  
That was your moment of Zen. killing stuff is cool!. no its not.. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
On with the fic!!!  
  
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It was dark. I was asleep in my bed when the Ninjas attacked. no wait that another story sorry. damn romance/ action novels.  
  
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The real fic. In my basement  
  
Welcome to the deep, dark, messy, and Mellow Yellow can strewn cavern I call my basement, Ithax Warhammer was hunched over his Computer *cue dramatic music*. On his screen was a fan fic. an EVIL fan fic *cue evil laughter* a fan fic so horrible and so full of OCCness and Mary Sueness that his screen exploded. but he continued none the less. with a new screen. Then IT happened, a black swirling portal appeared in place of his screen, it was so black it could suck the soul of the author into it. which it promptly did. Ithax Warhammer was going. going. *slurp!* GONE!  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __________ In an unknown location with swirly black mist and stuff floating by like in the wizard of Oz ____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
"Whoa. I'm in a wormhole that's whisking me off into parts unknown. COOL!" Screamed Ithax Warhammer into said wormhole What wasn't cool was the fact that he had been sucked into his own fanfiction and was being whisked to the city of Tokeyo-3 where he would exhibit ungodly author powers that will undoubtedly make all of those who still expect sanity and continuity's head explode from the strain. For those few I say to thee RELAX I want this to be headachy and idiotic. I ENJOY WACKINESS! After an insurmountable amount of time that found Ithax yearning for his mellow yellow (which he hadn't had any of for 10 seconds so he wanted some) and for some snacks, the wormhole began to get white instead of Black. It got Whiter and Whiter until it was whiter than a sober Canadian. then it got so White it made some Canadians jealous but were shooed away by a disgruntled bodyguard outside of Ithax's manor. Then in a flash of pure whiteness Ithax was nearly blinded but he had his super cool green tinted sunglasses on so he wasn't.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __________ An obscure street in Tokyo-3 ____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
Inside the confines of a futuristic looking computer shop (A/N which coincidentally was the most advanced one in the world where they made their own chips in the back room. it was a big shop) a black spot appeared floating in mid air. It started to stretch downwards and upwards, it stretched and stretched until its stretcher was sore. it stretched two and a half meters (7 1/2 feet for those of you who don't have the sense to learn metric) from ground to ceiling. Slowly and carefully a 6 foot 3 teenager stepped out from said portal and brushed himself off.  
He was an intelligent looking person (His IQ was 129. my IQ.). With pushed up black hair, green-blue eyes (A/N they change from Brown to Blue to Green to Red depending on his mood and concentration level. my eyes are like this. you know except for the Red part) that were covered most of the time by cool looking green tinted glasses you couldn't see through because they were so mirrored. He was dressed in an X-Box T-shirt and black as night pants, he wore 14 1/2 sized shoes. It was hard to believe this kid was only 14.  
As he stepped into the darkness of the shop the portal instantly vanished behind him to go and wreak havoc with some other Author Avatars.  
"Score! Computer store!" he exclaimed as he took in his surroundings, "I can make a kick ass computer with all these parts! But first to business. I wonder if they have any Mellow Yellow in this shop hmmm. No Ithax first state the obvious and then search for soft drinks. So first of all I'm god knows where second I have no idea how to get back to my house and third why is the floor shaking?"  
Why is the floor shaking indeed. for at that very moment a large gush of purple blood splattered against the window of the shop.  
"What in the hell???!"  
Ithax moved to the far left of the window, the only part that was still clean, and looked out at one of the most horrifying scenes in anime. other than the Auska seen. Outside what looked like a giant blob of black clay moulded into the shape of a vague human body by someone with only the most vuage idea of what a human body looked like was fighting with what looked like a giant human with a cragged mask on. "Went a little wild with the colours didn't they?" Said Ithax referring to the Green and purple armour on the giant human thing. The dramatic seen unfolded as the Purple and green human thing was obviously winning, purple blood from the wounds on the black clay thing was pouring all over the place. "Wait a minute," said Ithax as he stroked his chin in thought, "this is where I left off in the fic I wrote. wait a minute that would mean I'm an avatar in my own creation. COOL!" With these last words a huge explosion was heard some miles away from his shop as if to be dramatic thunder at his remark or the gavel at a court ruling to behead a public celebrity.  
  
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Will Ithax Warhammer flaunt his author powers to rise above the rest of the EVA crew and shame them in humiliating ways? Will he just stay in this shop after he finds a lifetime supply of mellow yellow in the back and make awesome computers to challenge the power of the Magi? Will you people flame me to death until I am cooked to a nice crumbled black ash?  
  
Almost none of these questions will be satisfactorily answered in the next, frightening instalment of:  
  
FLYING PINK EVAS!!!! ____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
Well tell me what you think and flame me gratuitously for having such a long opening and such a short fic. I don't care I'll still write them it will just make it more funny if you contribute to the process and I will get better in the future. I'm gonna go play the Cello now (A/N yes I actually own one) and then listen to anime soundtracks and drink more Mellow Yellow by the crate until you guys review. see you.  
  
All Is Lost Ithax Warhammer 


	2. The Man shall die!

Neon Genesis Evangelion (with appreciation for the English language) IN: FLYING PINK EVAS!!!  
  
EPISODE 2!!!  
  
(Accept no alternatives may contain nuts and or milk products, not refundable where fan fics are sold, and only acceptable where admitted by a court of law and or medical note and special amendment to the Geneva Convention Charter)  
  
By Ithax Warhammer, the insane person who makes your mind turn to mush while driving you people to the brink of insanity......... Wait no lost the happy, but the happy is back!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or their respective shows, any further discomfort is therefore your own problem. The only thing I do own is:  
  
Ithax Enterprises And Ithax Warhammer (who now has appeared in the fic) (Ithax Warhammer is a copyright of Ithax Enterprises Charitable Foundation and Drive-Thru Rhinoplasty Clinic. Unauthorised use of Ithax Enterprises logos, documents, weapon technologies, vehicles, mecha, clothing, prophylactics, hairnets, fishing rods or wild dogs will be punished by swift and merciless pointing-and-laughing-while-poking-with- sticks. Respect the aw-thor-it-tay of Ithax enterprises! Fnord. Shantih, shantih, shantih. Spacong.)  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And now your moment of Zen for this Chapter +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Ok your walking down a brick corridor and you take a right-Aleft-Aright- Aright-Aright-Aleft DEAD END!!!!!!!!  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ That was your moment of Zen......... thank you +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And now the fic +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+  
  
It is the middle of the night, the Moon shines on a patch of city that may or may not be something important to the plot. In this patch of city there is something else that may or may not be important to the plot. This something has purple blood splattered on it and one person in it. We have now reached the point in which I would usually tell you that Ithax Warhammer is pacing inside and trying to decide his fate......... but unfortunately this is another building than the one that Ithax Warhammer is in......... I know it may be hard to take but this seen may not contain our beloved (yeah right) hero.  
In this little abandoned warehouse on the edge of the city now contains some person who is quietly plotting to kill someone, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon......... ok so it will be tomorrow but that's beside the point and this adds to dramatic tension... oh wait I just ruined it again didn't I? Anyway this man was about 6 foot even, with shocking white hair and evil brown almost black eyes. He was wearing a red business suit and a black tie with highly polished shoes. He also had a large gun lying next to him while he was sitting doing almost nothing at all, other than apparently breathing and thinking and sitting... hopefully... unless those magic mushrooms are finally getting to me... lets try a test. I'm going to try and walk across this vat of bubbling acid and see if I can do it bare foot... here we go!... ow.. ow... ow ... OW!!! AHH IM MELTING!!! IM LITRALY MELTING!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! Oh wait it was just a dream... anyway lets go back and get to the interesting part... ITHAX!  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ In a store on an unimportant street that will probably become important sometime around here +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
"I wonder if they have any Mellow yellow in this shop... no must resist impulse to get to the Drink Of gods!!" screamed Ithax in despair, "ok I'm ok... lost the happy, but the happy is back. Now what to do with all this computer stuff and a chip workshop in the back? Hmmm."  
And so our hero paced and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore... and then he had a thought... an evil thought "I know!" he exclaimed, "I'll whip up a quick Santa claws hat and coat... maybe that won't be much help in this situation... I know! I'll use my ungodly author powers that I assume I have and then... I'll... I'll... harass the staff of Nerv! (Or in the Issi universe (which If you know nothing about then you are far luckier than me) it would be the Nerv but because that is mind bogglelingly stupid I wont use it) I will make the cast do stuff that is so OOC that they will rue the day they called my glasses silly... wait they haven't done that yet... well they will... eventually. Then they will rue that day!!!" Cue dramatic music  
And so our hero, using his Fin-credible author powers teleported away from the shop to places known... Nerv headquarters. But before he did this he sealed the PC shop and sunk it beneath the earth so that it would be HIS headquarters.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Some hours later after the first official angel attack on Tokyo-3 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
"Gendo can I please stop the hat rack impersonation game?" Asked a frustrated Fiutski (curse my non spelling hands yet again)  
"No" said Gendo, doing his best impersonations of a block of wood, "you must maintain it or we will appear more human than just having a striking resemblance." "But isn't that just you that we have to worry about in that respect?" "No, if you appear to be human than I will be expected to do the same" "Right..."  
Just then a large person appeared next to them, much like a cheesy old movie would look like if you stopped the film then moved a guy on stage and stared rolling again. He was sitting next to Gendo in the same Gendo position as him but he was much taller and he had green tinted sunglasses on. Of course it as Ithax. Some of the more sane people in the audience will be asking why it took Ithax so long to get to the HQ if he can teleport... he took a nap ok?  
In any event, he was there and both of the commanders, in a feat designed by the all mighty will of the universe, they both had the tiniest look of shock on their faces.  
"9\/\/33|o1|\|95 Mortals!" Ithax' voice boomed in the HQ  
Many of the Bridge crew took notice of yet another psycho on top of the leader's podium... then went back to their work... except for Misato who was on the alert immediately, having burned through the night doing paperwork for the battle.  
"Who the hell are you!!!???" Misato's voice boomed louder than Ithax "I am batman!!!!" Yelled Ithax back louder than before. "Security!! Get up here and stop dragging your ass!!!" Misato yelled into the nearest microphone... which just happened to be around Maya's head and thus rendered Maya deaf for a few moments. "As much as I like to swear and yell and like it even more when the two are used in combination could we just talk like normal people for a while?" Said Ithax, in a remarkably calm voice, which showed no emotion despite him being insane, "I just want to talk with you guys... I know everything about your entire operations and I have them on a computer with a deadman's trap on it to send the info to every computer on the planet!" (For the people who don't know a deadman's trap on a computer is where you have to log on to your computer every day or every week or every hour whatever. If you don't log on in the allotted time then a program will be triggered. Usually this is used when the user has some deep dark secret that he will be killed if he knows about. Like Amelia Earhart actual mission on her world trip was to gather intelligence on Japan with spy cameras the size of a printing press... I KNOW YOUR SECRET U.S. GOVERNMENT!!)  
It would be nice to say that Misato just accepted it and wasn't stupid and argued with Ithax but we are not trying to be nice here. Misato actually had to be told to shut up by Maya before she let Ithax into the briefing room to have a serious discussion about why he was here and what he wanted.  
"Well I just don't believe a word of it," Said a completely uncooperative Misato, "how could you know everything about our lives and the EVA and everything else I'm not supposed to know about but do anyway?" "That... is a secret"  
  
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Will our hero be shot in the head? Will Misato stop yelling in Maya's ear? Will this author stop writing fanfiction and stop wasting bandwidth and memory? Almost none of these questions will be answered in the next... boring episode of FLYING PINK EVAS!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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Flames welcome in the state of New York and in certain parts of Europe and always in Canada... if you have any qualms about this fanfic please kindly state it in a Charbroiling flame... thank you  
  
It is now time for this Fanfic to end BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP 


End file.
